depression

Monday Mottos

Inspiration, motivation, mottos, Uncategorized

This motto feels very right for me at the moment. I am taking more risks (missing blog posts 😜) but I always regret when I shrink back inward and old bad habits creep in. I feel so much better when I am taking positive steps to make my life better. 

“In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety.” (Abraham Maslow)

Wellness Wednesdays

Coping, Wellness

Todays focus is the power of music.

As a musician perhaps I’m a bit biased but who doesn’t love music? Theres something for everyone, and something for every occasion.

Music has been a part of every kind of time in my life- the happy times and the bad. And its power never fails. Writing music for me is hugely therapeutic and something everyone should try. Learning an instrument or just singing along or tapping your feet to something can really make you feel a part of something. And simply listening to music can do this too.

Sometimes music lets you be sad…it lets you cry and wallow and makes you feel comforted and understood in your sorrow. At one of the worst points in my life a particular song that i would play super loudly whilst laying on the floor and soaking it in was Tori Amos ‘I can’t see New York’. Dramatic music makes you feel small…it puts things in perspective.

On the flip side, there are some songs that fill me with joy for the happy memories associated with them. Our wedding first dance, songs by bands that me and friends once went to see and childhood favourites.

It’s not always the most highly acclaimed well made music that can make you feel something special either. Something to dance to, relieve stress and laugh with is equally important. My pick here would be the Spice Girls. This music reminds me of being a child, it’s easy to listen to, you don’t have to think and you can just go wild. Cheesy? Hell yeah! But so what? Snobbery holds no place in music. It’s not about it’s technical merits but the way it makes you feel.

So whether you feel the need to indulge in your sadness or you want to cheer up and de-stress, music plays an important part in life. You can take it seriously, or not, but whatever you do, FEEL.

Belated Wellness!

Coping, motivation

I seem to be a day late with everything this week! As Wellness Wednesdays was a bust I have some wellness for you this evening in the form of a motivational poem. Written on the spot so certainly no masterpiece! Enjoy!

When I feel blue, which most of the time I do,

I try to give my mind, a dose of something new.

I’ve tried learning to yodel,

I’ve tried to write a book,

I’ve tried a change of scenery

To brighten my outlook.

There’s always something to be done

to stop a downward spiral.

To turn the sadness in your eyes

into a rising smile.

So when the bad thoughts come and your insides feel churned up

Try your hand at something new and you could change your luck.

A BIG hug to everyone who needs one- life can be tough but we should always keep on going. Interrupting bad thoughts with just doing something is the first step!

Wellness Wednesdays

health, Wellness

Today I’m feeling really crummy! I have a throat infection and am suffering with my endometriosis pain as I am having my first bleed in 3 months.

But…dwelling on the bad stuff is not the route to wellness!

Although I feel rubbish and won’t be doing much of anything today, it’s important to spend a little time outside. Feeling fresh air and sunlight on your skin improves mood, increases your level of vitamin D which helps keep your body healthy in many ways and helps you get better sleep at night.

Just letting the dog in the garden and standing out there with him for 10 mins is a good start. If you’re ill or in a slump or even working from home, don’t live in a world of darkness! Take breaks just to have a short walk, run an errand that involves leaving the house, step outside, or simply just open the curtains!!

Don’t over do things and spend most of your day resting if need be, but just take that bit of time to add some light into your life and hopefully you’ll feel a little brighter too.

Short and sweet today! I hope the sun shines on you today 🙂

Comparison

experiences, health, motivation

‘Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?’

In my case it feels more like ‘Shall I compare thee to an elderly woman?!’

I’ve been very lack lustre this week and I do apologise for the lack of my regular features. I attended a wedding over the easter bank holiday which involved travelling and long days…not the most compatible things with me! It got me thinking though about how we compare ourselves to others.

I began tiring and getting dizzy half way through the day, pretty good going for me, but when it hit…it hit hard! I doubt anyone around me knew that I was struggling but as much as I wanted to be able to get up and dance like everyone else I just couldn’t. The thing that really bugged me was all of the “Come on, you gonna dance?”, “Sitting down? What’s wrong with you!” comments. You see this was my husbands friends wedding and so no one there other than him knew about my ‘health issues’. I do get frustrated when people assume you are a ‘regular’ 20 something who should be doing what the majority of other people are doing and think its ok to berate you if you’re not! But perhaps if people were the other way round and overly considered everything they said other people incase that person was struggling with something, then you’d start to feel like you looked as bad as you felt!

Comparison is tricky. Sometimes its good to compare yourself to others to gain inspiration. But mostly I find myself using it in a negative way. At that wedding I silently struggled, feeling sorry for myself that I couldn’t be like everyone else…But who’s to say how everyone else is anyway? At least one other person in that room would have been hiding something that they were struggling with. Maybe even the person next to me. When you compare yourself in order to justify self pity, it is never worthwhile or accurate. My comparison of myself to another person would be hugely different to someone else’s.

And I compare things constantly. Perhaps we all do…

Her outfit is much better than mine.

Their house is decorated so much better than mine.

I wish I could be at the gym all the time like her.

But are any of these things statement of fact? NO! It’s just negativity in a different form. It’s me feeling a sense of injustice and believing that I am not as good as others.

I will remind myself at this point of something that may sound negative but I think is always a helpful thing to think when comparing. Yes, there’s always someone better off/at that/looking than you, but there is also someone worse off/at that/looking than you.

At the end of the day, everyone is different. There is no ‘normal’. Ok so maybe most of the people around you are fairly healthy and you’re not. So what! Maybe one of those people is desperately heartbroken and hiding that pain. We are all hiding things, even the people who are the life and soul of the party. All you can do is be honest with yourself, accept yourself in all its glory and hardships, and stop comparing! Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses and like they say, if we were all the same, life would be pretty dull!

Wellness Wednesdays 2

Coping, health, motivation, Wellness

When I feel low, lonely, frustrated, sad or any of the other bad feelings that tend to invade my mind daily, one of the most important and easy tools that I find helpful is a pen and paper.

Whether its writing an imaginary letter to a doctor who’s pissed me off, making a list of fun tasks to complete or writing a poem, if talking to someone isn’t an option, then talking to my notebook really does help. Getting your feelings out, not thinking and just writing and writing until you cant write anymore you can empty your mind of the negativities even if just in the short term.

Sometimes I find that making lists can help me to refocus my mind in a positive way. The other day I wrote a list of things that I would like to have a go at. This isn’t the kind of list where I will punish myself if I don’t achieve everything I’ve written, but more of a starting point for when my thoughts are taking over and I need to be doing something else! Of course achievement also adds more positivity to your life too. This also helps me when I’m in a slump and finding it hard to start the day, wanting to just hide away. If I write little notes to myself and put them on the wall next to my bed, I’m more likely to make an effort. Some examples of my notes are:

‘I know you don’t want to, but you will feel better if you get up, have a shower and get dressed’.

‘I know you get anxious about work but you always feel much happier and like you’ve achieved something when you do it.’

‘Get the housework done today and then you can put your feet up and watch crap on the telly.’

Writing a letter to yourself in times of despair can also be of comfort. I have written angry misery filled short novels to myself before, letting out my frustrations and being brutally honest. Whilst this is a helpful exercise, for more wellness in your life, I’d recommend the opposite. Write yourself a love letter. It doesn’t have to be soppy or full of things that you don’t feel like you really mean. If you can’t bring yourself to find good things about you, then simply list all the positive things around you in your life. When you read it back you might just feel a warmth inside and hopefully see that these positive things would not be in your life if you weren’t an amazing person who deserved them. It’s easy to focus on the negatives in your life but they wouldn’t feel so bad if you didn’t have lots of positives to contrast them with.

A lot of the time, keeping your mind and body feeling well is about reinforcing any and all positives that you can find around you, keeping yourself motivated and a lot of the time keeping yourself distracted and not thinking too deeply. Keep that notebook nearby! It is the cheapest and best therapist you will ever have! Be honest, open and imagine that you are a motivational speaker for yourself.

Happy Scribbling!!

Growth…

autoimmune, health

Firstly apologies for the lack of Wellness Wednesday this week- I was battling a Monster of a Migraine so was shut in the dark! Hope you are all well!

Today the word on my mind is Growth.

To grow can mean many things. I have grown my hair (and cut it) many times. I have grown up, learning and advancing as a person. I have grown apart from people as our lives have taken different paths. I have also grown bitter from illness.

I feel that my growth in life has been somewhat stunted by ill health. I’ve watched my best friends grow up into the sky above me, leaving me behind in the weeds unable to reach the sunlight. Whilst my friends moved away to University, my limitations meant that I could only attend a nearby part time course which left a lot to be desired.

Whilst I have forged a great life for myself in my hometown, with my gorgeous husband and lovely house, I cannot help but wonder how different life might have been if my body had grown up differently. What things have I ,and am I still, missing out on in the world of a twenty something…

Dancing. Shaking my thang in high heels for hours, and just feeling a little tired the next day.

The reality. After about 20mins in a club I’ll either faint or have to leave before I do.

Drinking. Sipping down girly cocktails, or doing shots with my mates all part of the typical girls night out.

The Reality. I can’t drink. My body is too weakened already and drinking leads to extreme dizziness even from the tiniest amount.

Travelling. Hopping on the train to visit friends or Backpacking across the world!

The Reality. I cannot travel alone on the train incase I have an episode and collapse let alone travel over the world!

I wont go on and on with a huge list, but my point is that invisible illnesses are damaging not just to your body, your self esteem and your outlook on life, but your friendships and freedoms too.

When you are fit and healthy the amount of things you have to think about in any one day are relatively small. You may have a taxing job, a stressful relationship or any number of other life issues, but deciding whether or not to clean the kitchen or walk the dog because you don’t have energy for both isn’t one of them!

People say that illness shouldn’t hold you back, and whilst I agree with this in terms of dreams and long term goals, you do have to hold yourself back and have limits in order to live a life that has as many achievements as possible. Knowing what you are well enough to achieve each day and limiting yourself accordingly is part and parcel of having a chronic disease.

Whilst I have had to adjust to this, it isn’t easy on the people around me. After all if you had tickets to a gig and could chose between taking your fun easygoing friend or taking your awkward friend who would need pit stops and somewhere to sit down regularly…who would you choose? I love my friends and I know they care deeply about me, but its no surprise to me when I see photos of them out with their other friends all the time instead of me. It hurts and I get super jealous, but they cant always be expected to have to work with my limitations just because I have to.

Even family can’t be expected to understand the little changes to daily life that you have to make. I always feel that I’m being judged as lazy or miserable when I get a call from my Mum asking how many clients I’ve seen this week and I haven’t managed very many. I can get over my own disappointment in myself but when you hear that disappointment in the voices of people you love and want to approve of you, it is really hard!

Its very difficult not to sound self pitying when writing about limitations. I do have moments when I have a cry and let myself grieve my lack of freedoms, but I also do feel proud of myself for having learnt my limitations and being able to say no when I feel I might be over doing things. We all create our own sense of what is normal. I will always try harder and grow myself further in as many aspects of life as possible. But unfortunately some obstacles are immoveable and you just have to learn to take a different course around them.

The most important thing as always is to listen to your body, set goals, and be realistic. You know yourself better than anyone else and if you need to rest just bloody well do it!! Sod the nay sayers, I know you’re not just being lazy!!!